Monday, June 20, 2011

Worst Manicure Ever.

I had a groupon for a 90-minute spa manicure and pedicure. It was about 1/2 off so I thought it would be a great deal! Never in my life have I been more wrong. It expired on the 1st, I had called the salon 6 or 7 times in the weeks leading up to try and get an appointment. I never got an answer and I never got a call back. I should've just given up. I finally got them to answer the day before and thought I was lucky to get an appointment.

When I got there Tuesday, I was told that I was lucky to get an appointment because a girl had cancelled. Yay me! Or not. Right about the time I sat down a girl comes in saying her appointment was at that time. Apparently the morons who run the place cancelled the wrong appointment. They argued with the poor girl and she finally stormed out. I felt so bad! I know it wasn't my fault, but I had totally stolen homegirl's mani/pedi. She lucked out.

Okay so on to the REALLY awkward part of our story. I sat down and the woman doing my nails immediately says "well, I just need my husband to decide if we're having biological kids or adopting." What the heck?! Kids had never been mentioned! She then complimented my engagement ring, I said thank you and she straight up shoved her ring in my face and goes "look at mine! Isn't it beautiful?!" It wasn't. At this point she gets to talking about the girl who's appointment I had obviously stolen and isn't paying attention to her job. She CUT me. I reacted and all she said was oops. Then she continues talking and cuts me again! That time I said a dirty word and she told me it would be okay, it was because my cuticles were dry and she'd put more oil on them. Girl is a nutjob. But after that she started to pay attention to me a little better. I would've rather gotten 234 more cuts than listen to the rest of this girls story.

As she's continuing the "manicure" she tells me that she's 46, been married 2 years and already has 24 and 19 year old daughters. Her husband wants kids of his own and they are trying to decide between IVF and adoption. Then she proceeds to tell me she has endometriosis and doesn't know if her body could handle another pregnancy. THEN she tells me she's "cut, tied and burned." Also, she's on her "monthly" in case you were wondering.

Pedicure time. At this point I just want to hide from her and give myself a pedicure. Unfortunately, the pedicure chair is in a secluded area of the salon so it's just she and I. Obviously this means it's time to divulge her life story.

They are also looking into surrogacy or getting a donor egg (let's not forget she's cut, tied and burned. I was definitely reminded). They've found a potential match. At this point, a friend calls who I haven't talked to in about 4 months and against my better judgment, I told him I was busy and would have to call back. Big mistake because then I found out that the donor is red headed like her, but is a little chunky (ummm, sister, do you not see the chunk sitting in front of you??) but just because she's chunky doesn't mean the baby will be. No lie, she said those exact words. The surrogacy story goes on for entirely too long and then she tells me her husband gets pissed because she's on her "monthly" so often and can't have sex. She's been bleeding for 4 weeks. Yep. I know this now. You're welcome. THEN she tells me how cute her husband is. And that if I ever met him, I would never know he use to be addicted to speed because of how handsome he is. I'm pretty sure she took over the addiction in that family.

All of this goes on for the entire 90 minutes. I heard the phrase "cut, tied and burned" no less than 15 times and was informed about her "monthly" 7 times. I was ready to run out of there screaming at the end. But I held it all together. Even after she handed me business cards to give to my friends. Haha!

Fast forward to Wednesday night (ya know, the night after my mani/pedi). I'm sitting in the hospital delivery room with a friend waiting to have her baby and I picked up a bag and two fingernails were stripped of their polish. It literally peeled off. In one solid sheet. By the next morning 5 fingers were missing polish. I will never in my life go back!

Hope you enjoyed my misery! ;)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


  1. Please tell me complained to the spa? Send them a link to your blog!

    You should get a refund.


  2. That sounds awful! It was quite amusing to read, though.

    p.s. you've gotten me addicted to essie polish :) The one you sent me was my first I have four. haha :)

  3.! i was able to contain myself until you started mentioning her monthly. i have not stopped laughing yet. this story made my day! thank you niki!