Friday, October 14, 2011

October 15th

Tomorrow is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I wish I weren't someone with a story. But my story is so fresh. The loss is so new with me. With us.

I had a miscarriage Monday, October 3rd. I was 6 weeks, 5 days pregnant with our first child.

The loss is unimaginable. I know people who have lost babies, I have said "I am sorry, I'm praying for you." to all of them. And that is 100% the truth. But, I had NO idea how much they were actually hurting. No clue of the loss and heartache they were actually going through. I wish I were still oblivious.

I'm still hurting. I'm sure I will be hurting for a very long time. We were SO happy to be pregnant. I'm afraid I will never have that pure joy and excitement ever again. I've been told that I will. I'm not a place that I can share everything. I don't know if I ever will. And that's okay.

Tyler has been so strong. But I have had to remember that I am not the only one mourning. Tyler is sad, too. He doesn't know the physical pain, but he has emotional pain. I have to remind myself that I'm not the only one hurting in our home.

I am SO thankful for the friends and family I have. They have been absolutely amazing during the last 2 weeks. Amazing. I know I am not alone. We have felt so much love and support from everyone. I hope that you will never have to go through this, but if you do I pray that you have support all around you.

I'm also thankful for our Lord. I don't know how people get through so much pain without Him. I know we couldn't have. We have had so many amazing people praying for us and we know it's helped.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12

One last thing, please know this wasn't posted to get sympathy. I merely want to share part of our story. Until I told a few people, I had no idea how common this was. It doesn't make it hurt any less, but it is good to know I'm not alone. Other people have been exactly where we are now. They've gotten through it. I will get through it. Other people after me will also get through it.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


  1. I love you so much friend and you've been in my heart and prayers!!!

  2. Wow. Not even two weeks ago? I gasped when I read that. I am so, so sorry :( And? I completely understand, because I've been there. I miscarried twice in 2008 and in the 3 years since, today was the first time I've actually addressed it on the ol' blog, so believe me - I'm in AWE that you are strong enough to do it TODAY.

    Our God is gracious, and I clung to Psalm 113:9 and Luke 1:24-38 because I know that He promises to grow His church through the gift of children. I really never thought I would carry a baby to term (wrong!) or smile again (double wrong!). Give yourself time. Give your husband time. You won't always have this raincloud hovering over you, I promise.

    Email me if you need to vent!

  3. Love you friend! You are such a brave, strong woman. I look up to you in so many ways!
    I pray that God will continue to heal you. And I pray that you will experience that joy again soon!

  4. i'm so heartbroken for you. I know you've wanted a baby and I was hoping all that was going on wasn't related to that. You and Tyler will stay in my prayers, sweet friend!

  5. I'm praying for you everyday. I'm so sorry that this has now become a part of who you are, and that you will always remember it. Sure, the pain will subside - but it sticks in a certain aspect too.

    You will get through it and someday, you will likely face this fear again and get through it to a whole different end. I've got some dear friends that have come through it and gotten to the other side, but the fear of it repeating comes along with them every time. I hate that, but I totally understand it too.

    Once again, I'm praying for you and Tyler. Big huge hugs, and if I can do anything for you - please let me know. I would be glad to drive over and go shopping with you or whatever on a weekend.

  6. You and Tyler are in my thoughts and prayers, sweet friend.

  7. I wish I had the right words to say. I pray for you and your husband during this difficult time. Your strength through this is amazing.

  8. I'm pretty new to your blog but that doesn't change how my heart hurts for you right now.. I pray that you will find healing soon and that the joy will return quickly. I know all too well what you're going through. Take time to mourn hon... Thinking of you today. This is a hard day for me as well... xoxo

  9. I'm so sorry Niki. I remember then you asking for prayers on Twitter and I prayed for you, and have been, but I wasn't sure what was going on.

    I can't imagine how hard it all is, and how difficult it would be to write this with everything so fresh. You are so strong. I'll be praying for you two!!

  10. Thought of you and Tyler and several other friends on this day. I can only compare it to the loss we experienced during IVF, but I don't think even that compares to what you are feeling. Continuing to pray for you guys and believing you will be blessed with a baby so soon. You will be a wonderful mother, I am certain of that.

    Love you!